


it’s hard to breathe sometimes

by alistoney



Series: 3b inspired works [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: 3x11 Coda, Angst, Comfort, Hugs, M/M, Magnus might have a tiny breakdown, magic loss ansgt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-02-27
Packaged: 2019-11-06 10:01:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17937692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alistoney/pseuds/alistoney
Summary: Magnus hadn’t set foot in his apothecary since he’d lost his magic. Not until after Iris had kidnapped him. Which is why it’s the last place Alec expects to find him.A 3x11 coda





	it’s hard to breathe sometimes

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this entire thing in my head while running around all day today hahaha. And the whole thing came about literally from one line about wards lol. 
> 
> Title from Carry You by Ruelle 
> 
> I hope you like it!

Magnus hadn’t set foot in his apothecary since he’d lost his magic. Not until after Iris had kidnapped him. Which is why it’s the last place Alec expects to find him.

He returns from the Institute expecting to find Magnus lounging on the couch reading ancient texts or in the kitchen trying out a new recipe since he now has the time. Instead, he finds the loft silent when he lets himself in and toes off his shoes by the door.

A peek into the bedroom shows him nothing but a bed unmade from the morning and Magnus’ silk robe hanging on the back of the chair.

A cold dread spreads up Alec’s spine. Magnus’ wards no longer function. What if something had happened to him? Surely in 400 something years he was bound to have made some enemies who would take advantage of his unguarded home.

Alec swallows the panic in his throat and steps back out into the main room.

“Magnus?”

He spins a slow circle in the center of the room. Looks for any signs of a struggle.

“In here.”

He releases a relieved breath at the sound of Magnus’ voice. Soft and familiar. _Safe._

He walks into the apothecary and startles when Magnus brushes by him quickly.

“Alexander!”

He plucks something off of a shelf full of ingredients that haven’t been touched in three days and then spins on his heel to face Alec.

“How was your day?”

His smile is wide when he flashes it Alec’s way, almost _too_ wide.

His hand is too fleeting where it presses against Alec’s chest, over his heart, and he pecks Alec’s cheek. He doesn’t stay in Alec’s space. Doesn’t linger, or even look him in the eye.

Alec absentmindedly brushes his fingers over the spot Magnus’ hand had been and bites at his lip in worry.

Magnus is already on the other side of the room, flipping open a large book, when Alec speaks.

“It was good. Tracked down another escaped prisoner. Finished up the reports from yesterday. It was a successful day overall.”

Magnus hums under his breath and Alec isn’t sure he’s even heard him speak until he looks up at him through his eyelashes.

“Good,” he says simply. His small smile looks more genuine this time but it disappears quickly and he turns back to the book.

Alec steps further into the apothecary, walking over to where Magnus leans over the table and leans in to look over his shoulder.

“What are you doing?”

Magnus turns to look at him over his shoulder and smiles that too wide smile again. Alec presses his lips together to stop himself from commenting on it.

“I’m glad you asked,” he says, waving a finger through the air as he turns back around. Alec doesn’t fail to notice that he steps out of Alec’ space as he does.

“I’m making new wards.”

Magnus must see the confusion on his face because he closes the book and elaborates.

“There’s plenty of potions that don’t need magic to work as long as you have magical knowledge and the means of obtaining the ingredients,” he’s still moving as he speaks, pouring something into a bowl and smelling a container of god knows what before making a face and setting it back down on the shelf. He turns back to Alec with a grin, “Surely I can figure out a way to create wards without needing magic.”

“But Catarina offered to help with-“ Alec starts, stopping when the smile, fake as it is, completely drops off of Magnus’ face.

His eyes flash and Alec holds his breath.

“I assure you I can do it myself, Alec.”

The sharpness of his voice cuts at Alec’s heart, the absence of his full name sending a pang of hurt through him.

Alec knows Magnus isn’t angry with him exactly. It’s the situation Magnus is frustrated with, not him. It still hurts to see the harshness in his eyes when he watches Alec from the other side of the room.

Magnus’ jaw clenches and it looks like he’s about to say something more. Alec can see the beginning of a fight here and that’s the last thing he wants. He lets out a slow breath, turns around, and walks out of the room.

***

Alec thinks about leaving. Going back to the Institute and finishing the reports he’d left for the next day or even sticking himself onto one of the night patrols. He remembers the very real fear that had gripped him upon finding an empty loft though, and can’t get himself to leave.

So he sits on the couch and goes through reports and assigns patrols for the next week. Magnus in the next room, so close, yet somehow so far away.

He doesn’t notice how late it’s gotten until he hears a crash from the apothecary and notices that the clock on the wall reads 2am.

Alec stands from the couch and braces himself before making his way to the apothecary.

Magnus needs to sleep and Alec is more than willing to face an angry Magnus if it means he’ll get even an hours rest.

When Alec re-enters the apothecary he finds Magnus standing frozen in front of a shattered jar, breaths coming heavy and stilted.

His head snaps up when he notices Alec. He sees the way walls fly up behind his eyes and the way he clenches his jaw in an attempt to keep the emotion at bay.

“I’m fine,” he says cooly, voice smooth and measured despite the way Alec can see he’s two seconds away from breaking.

“No you’re not,” Alec says quietly, heart breaking when Magnus lets out a small sound of distress, “and that’s okay.”

Magnus shakes his head, slamming his hand onto the table with so much force the whole thing shakes.

“No, it’s _not_ okay. I thought I could do this but- but I _can’t_. I can’t even keep the people I love safe. The loft is supposed to be a safe-“

Alec doesn’t stop to think. He steps into the room and gathers Magnus into his arms.

Magnus tenses against him and for a long second Alec is afraid he’s going to pull away. But then he all but collapses into Alec’s chest with a choked sound that twists at his heart.

Magnus’ arms slide up Alec’s back and hold on so tight Alec almost can’t breathe. He doesn’t care, just tightens his hold on Magnus and cups the back of his head in one hand.

He can feel Magnus’ shuddering breaths against his neck and wants to cry. Wants to storm Edom and demand Magnus’ magic back. Wants to destroy the world for him if that’s what it would take.

Alec presses a kiss to the side of Magnus’ head, closes his eyes, and tries to keep him from falling apart.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m sorry for any pain I may have caused lol 
> 
> Comments and kudos are appreciated <3
> 
> Tumblr: [lightwormsiblings](https://lightwormsiblings.tumblr.com)  
> Twitter: [alistoney1](https://mobile.twitter.com/alistoney1)


End file.
